========
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled
and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible
means? The son
replied, "I do know!"
"Okay,"
said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy,
Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for
'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.'
=======
There was a very
gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another
part of the country.
"Is there
anything breakable in here? asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten
Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has
said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and
there are those who
wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked
his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time
and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note
under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times.
If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive
us our
trespasses."
When he returned, he
found a citation from a police officer along with this
note "I've
circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job.
Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story
of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay
for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in
your pockets."
========
While driving in
Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the
carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached
to the back of the
carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on
oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher
began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
what do we know
about God?"
A hand shot up in
the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do
you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our
Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in
line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday
weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend,"
said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as
if everyone waits
until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister
chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
========
People want the front
of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
========
Sunday after church,
a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
was about.
The daughter
answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the
Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor
stopped by for tea
and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school
lesson was about.
He said "Be not
afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was
preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come
up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the
church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
regular organist was
sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last
minute. The
substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy
of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to
think of something
to play after I make the announcement about the
finances."
During the service,
the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great
difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000
more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."
At that moment, the
substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the
substitute became the regular organist!
========
