The Best Reply To A Dear John Letter Ever?

The following was emailed to me the other day and I found it so funny that I knew that I had to share it with all of you.  Is this the best reply to a Dear John letter ever?....

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Yes, A Woman Driver Did This

Yes, a woman driver did this.

Yes, some women may find this joke offensive.

But it is still funny.

So take a chill pill and relax.

Or better yet, go check out our new step-by-step guide about how to create compelling websites and make money on the Internet.

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Get The Wrong Gift For Your Wife Or Your Girlfriend And You May End Up In The Doghouse

This little four minute video is actually very well done. It shows what happens to men when they get bad gifts for their wives or girlfriends.....

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The Man Rules

Someone emailed this to us the other day.....

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The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

9. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

12. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", then we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or golf.

20. You have enough clothes.

21. You have too many shoes.

22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

23. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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The 40 Worst Pickup Lines That Any Woman Has Ever Had To Endure

Are you ready for some really bad pickup lines?

If not, too bad, because these 40 really stink.....

#1) Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

#2) Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got FINE written all over you.

#3) Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

#4) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

#5) I must be in heaven because I'm looking at an angel!

#6) Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see!

#7) You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

#8) Is your name Gillette? Cause you look like the best a man can get.

#9) Is your name mickey? because your so FINE!

#10) I've noticed you noticing me and I'm just giving you notice that I've noticed you!

#11) Is it hot in here or is it just you?

#12) Hi, I’m Mr. Right--I heard you were looking for me.

#13) So... How am I doin'?

#14) Can I borrow a quarter? "What for?" I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.

#15) Somebody needs to call the bomb squad, because you're the bomb!

#16) Hi, did your license get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?

#17) You must be a heck of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.

#18) Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams last night?

#19) Are you sure you're not an alien because you've just abducted my heart!

#20) If you were a laser you would be set on stunning.

#21) Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?

#22) If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be a McGorgeous.

#23) I was wondering if you have a moment to spare for me to hit on you?

#24) Hey, I didnt know angels flew so low.

#25) I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

#26) Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

#27) I think there's something wrong with my eyes because I can't take them off you.

#28) Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

#29) Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

#30) When I said I'd die single, I only meant that I didn't think I'd live long enough until I found you.

#31) If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

#32) It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!

#33) I'm in the process of writing a telephone book. May I have your number?

#34) If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

#35) Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

#36) What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin ME.

#37) Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

#38) What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in the room?

#39) Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.

#40) You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other girls look really bad.

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The Top Sixty Rules That Men Really, Really Wished Women Knew About Men

The Top Sixty Rules That Men Really, Really Wished Women Knew About Men

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

2. Farting is always funny to us. Always.

3. From time to time we pee in the shower, but most of us try to be discrete about it.

4. We are fascinated with our boogers at age 2 and we will continue to be fascinated with them at age 92.

5. We tend to scratch our butt when we sleep. We tend to scratch it when we are awake too if we think we can get away with it.

6. The answer to the question "The Godfather is on, do you want to watch it?" is always "YES".

7. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."

9. Bedtime means "go to sleep", not "ask me stupid questions"

10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not a sport.

12. Let me get BOTH feet in the door before you start talking.

13. The world won't come to an end if I wait for a commercial break.

14. There is a 10 minute shopping limit in any store without electonics.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. We leave the seat up on purpose.

18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

25. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

26. You can't fart until we do it first. After that, it's a free-for-all.

27. Whoever smelt it dealt it.

28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

29. If it itches we are likely to scratch it.

30. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

31. What the heck is a doily?

32. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done... not both.

34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

35. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

36. I guarantee you that we do not want to watch any move with Susan Sarandon in it.

37. Secretly, we care about our fingernails.

38. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.

39. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.

40. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late.

41. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.

42. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.

43. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.

44. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

45. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.

46. If you don't like the way I do something, then do it youself.

47. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!

48. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

49. Yelling at me won't solve the problem.

50. Any movie where a guy gets whacked in the groin is a funny movie.

51. Please never, ever ask us a difficult question while we are making a poopy. Both ends don't work at once.

52. Talking like Yoda - enjoy it we do!

53. We are always going to prefer U2 over Justin Timberlake. Deal with it.

54. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.

55. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).

56. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old Yeller".

57. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.

58. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed to be a serious injury.

59. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

60. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)

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