Church Humor

Do you enjoy church humor?  The following list was emailed to me the other day....

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A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
 

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible

means? The son replied, "I do know!"
 

"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
 

"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for

'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' 

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her

brother in another part of the country.
 

"Is there anything breakable in here? asked the postal clerk.
 

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. 

There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and

there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he

was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
 

Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled

the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive

us our trespasses."
 

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this

note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket

I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his

congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have

enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's

still out there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
 

The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached

to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient

vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,

what do we know about God?"
 

A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
 

"Really? How do you know?"  the teacher asked.
 

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a

long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many

cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
 

"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as

if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
 

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my

business."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of

attention.

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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson

was about.
 

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
 

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.  Later in the day, the pastor

stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school

lesson was about.
 

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the

congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for

repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the

regular organist was sick and a substitute had  been brought in at the last

minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
 

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to

think of something to play after I make the announcement about the

finances."
 

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we

are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected

and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please

stand up."
 

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
 

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! 

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